Most adults do not realize how closely children watch them, all the time, hungry to learn how to behave, how to get what they want. I’ve noticed that when parents, and I include myself, think there is a lesson to be learned we will very carefully explain and show a child what is expected of them. But some of us must think that part of the time we’re invisible — or that our behavior is at any rate — and that our children will listen to what we say and somehow fail to notice what we do. This is simply not the way it works.

I believe our children hear only a fraction of what we say. Instead, they pick up quickly and unerringly on what we do. All my life I’ve heard that I shall be known not by my words, but rather by my deeds. It seems to me that this notion is crucially important to those who are concerned about the future of our children and the world they will create. It may be the most important realization in all of parenting.